What's a Doorknob? and other lessons
by Kiwi The Dog
Summary: Raven reveals her secret fetish, Starfire has amazing talent and Cyborg's ego is painfully deflated while Beast Boy... Eat's vegetarian style. CHAPTER FOUR UP!
1. Doorknobs

Our story opens in the tower of the Teen Titans. Which, might I add, is shaped like a huge "T." Interesting... Anyway, moving on, our story begins with 3 of the Titans playing video games, as usual, and fighting over who was cheating.  
  
"Dude! You so cheated! It took me 4 HOURS to make that high score. How could you beat it in three seconds?!" Beast boy yelled at the tall, half robotic, black guy standing in front of him.  
  
"I'm OBVIOUSLY better than you are, " He answered mockingly.  
  
"Yeah right!"  
  
"Hey have you guys seen Starfire?" Robin asked thoroughly annoyed at the whole argument.   
  
They both stopped and shook their heads. " Didn't she like leave 20 minutes ago?" Beast Boy asked.  
  
"Yea, but twenty minutes ago? Wouldn't she be back by now?" Cyborg questioned.  
  
"I guess we should go look for her." Robin answered walking toward the stairs.   
  
Beast Boy stopped in front of Raven's room almost scared to knock. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door.  
  
Raven opened the door, looking not too pleased, as usual. "What?" She was slightly annoyed since she had been meditating and was rudely interrupted AGAIN.  
  
"Err... Have you seen Starfire?" Beast Boy asked slowly.  
  
Raven shook her head " No. Is that it? " She sighed inwardly. What was with people and asking her where other people were? It was extremely annoying to be interrupted again and again for the exact same reason she was interrupted with before! Raven clenched her teeth. I must calm myself, she thought. It wouldn't be good if she blew up the building.   
  
Beast Boy nodded "Thanks."   
  
Raven nodded, closed the door and went back to her meditating. If anyone bothers me again I will NOT be happy, Raven thought. A book flew across the room and hit her in the face. She winced as the book fell to the floor, leaving her face red. "Ow."  
  
Beast Boy walked back down the hall to his own room. He had looked everywhere and he was fully ready to give up. He sighed and flopped down on his bed trying to think of anyplace they hadn't looked. He glanced at his closet. He hadn't looked there... But Starfire wasn't that weird. He got up and slowly walked over to the closet. He grasped the doorknob and pulled it open.   
  
Ok... Maybe she was that weird. "Starfire?!" Beast Boy exclaimed seeing Starfire sitting on a pile of clothing on the bottom of the closet.  
  
" Hello Beast Boy, I was wondering when someone would let me out." Starfire answered getting up and stepping out.   
  
"But... Starfire, it wasn't locked."   
  
'What? I do not understand."  
  
"The door wasn't locked, you could have just turned the doorknob and let yourself out."  
  
"Doorknob?"  
  
"Right here," Beast boy said as he pointed the silver doorknob on the outside of the door.  
  
" That is what you call a... Doorknob?"  
  
"Well what did you think it was, a can of soup?... You didn't know that Star? I thought you could figure it out; it isn't that hard of a concept to grasp."  
  
"I am sorry that I do not understand this.... object called a doorknob, but we do not have such contraptions on my planet."  
  
"I wouldn't call it a contraption I'd call it a doorknob."  
  
"Yes well... It is complicated to me."  
  
"Let me show you Star." Beast Boy walked over to the closet and he shut the door. He motioned to Star to come closer. "Watch." He grasped the handle and turned it slowly clockwise. He pulled the door open slowly.  
  
Starfire nodded and clapped awkwardly "I did not know you could accomplish such great thing Beast Boy."  
  
That hurt. Beast Boy thought. But, he just nodded and forced a smile. "Now you try Starfire."  
  
Starfire nodded and grasped the doorknob awkwardly. She turned it clockwise and pulled it open. "Success! I have conquered the impossible!" Starfire cried jumping and clapping happily. "Thank you! I must make you the pudding of gratefulness!" She rushed out of the room.  
  
"Oh god, they must have a lot of pudding on her planet," Beast Boy groaned. " I just hope I can get out of eating this. Last time, the pudding was green and fuzzy."  
  
Yay! I'm done! It wasn't very good was it but I'm thinking of adding more chapters. They would go like this. Cyborg- The lingo Robin- cooking (uh-oh) Beast Boy- Doorknobs. It has been done! Raven: err... Meditation? Hey well.. It's either that or music.. That could be most interesting. Hee hee hee.. Well... Stay tuned for later episodes. 


	2. Chocolate Cake

Ok people! Finally another chapter! WITH ROBIN!! Whoot! Anyway.. ENJOY!

Chapter 2: What's a Cake?

Zoom in to the Teen Titans kitchen.

Our story begins in the not so incredibly clean kitchen in the Teen Titan's tower. Their refrigerator is covered with some unknown greasy substance and insideÉ. You just don't want to go inside, believe me. Even Beast Boy has passed out from the horrible stench that wafts from inside. A large stack of dishes sits in the sink, unwashed and crusty. Obviously _someone _forgot that they had dish duty this week. Only two titans are brave enough to conquer the mess and actually cook something in the kitchen.

"So Star, I guess I'm going to show you how to bake a cake," said Robin fixing his apron while thumbing through the only cookbook in the tower.

Starfire waited patiently as Robin looked for the recipe. "What is a cake?

"Well it's aÉ It's like aÉ WellÉ You'll just have to see when we're done! Ah yes, here we areÉ Cakes." Robin said looking at the different cake recipes. There were quite a few, but he thought they should stick to something less elaborate.

"I want chocolate!" Beast Boy yelled from the couch where he was, not surprisingly, playing video games.

"Alright, chocolate it is!" Robin said flipping to the chocolate cake recipe. It seemed simple enough, he thought. But he was oh so wrong.

"You should wear this," Robin said handing Starfire an apron. As she struggled to figure out how to put it on, Robin began his lesson. "To start off, a chef should start with a clean surface." He surveyed the surface in front of him that was covered with various food stains. He sighed and grabbed a sponge and started scrubbing at the stains.

Starfire had finally figured out how to put on the strange piece of cloth after much confusion. Surprisingly, she had it on right and watched as Robin scrubbed. He was not getting many results. "Shall I assist you, Robin?" She asked, always ready to help.

"Sure, grab the other sponge and start cleaning.

Between the two of them, after about fifteen minutes of hard work, they had the kitchen somewhat clean. Well, it was clean compared to the dump it had been. Robin and Starfire stepped back to survey their work.

"Is this the cake?" She asked, once again reaching a new height for the word na•ve. But Robin was patient, maybe too patient.

"No, we haven't started! Now comes the fun part!" He exclaimed going back to the recipe. "Ok the second thing is laying out all the ingredients, or the stuff you are going to use. " He added, answering her next question.

"Oh.

After laying out the various food items onto the now clean surface, Robin and Starfire start to encounter some minor problems.

"How come no one said we were out of butter?!" Robin yelled to no one in particular, his voice echoing through the whole tower. Butter, being one of the crucial ingredients to any

dessert was missing. This was not a good sign.

"Hey don't look at me! It was Cyborg! He practically used a whole stick for his waffle this morning!" Came Beast Boy's voice from the couch. Robin fumed for a moment, letting himself calm down before trying to think up a solution.

"Why don't we go to the place where you purchase food?" Starfire asked. Robin nodded and the two friends made their way down to the nearest grocery store. Starfire of course headed straight to the fruit section while Robin, went the other way to the dairy section. Obviously, our beloved alien forgot where butter came from. I'll give you a hint. It doesn't grow on trees. As Starfire looked through the fruits, looking for one labeled Ôbutter,' Robin had already paid and had just now realized that Star wasn't following him anymore. Way to be observant there Robin. Robin then proceeded to search the whole store, though miraculously, not even thinking of the fruit and vegetable section. By this time, Starfire had strayed toward the vegetables and found the Ôbutter squash.' She examined the oddly shaped orange vegetable. Starfire then found Robin, whom she happily showed her butter squash to.

"Um.. Star, that's not exactly what we were looking for

"But it is named Ôbutter.' How can this not be right?

"WellÉ We were looking for a different kind of butter, but I found it." He said holding up the bag which contained his purchased butter.

When they had arrived back at the tower, they began putting in the ingredients. Robin set to stirring while Starfire was put to work cracking eggs into a bowl. Luckily, she knew enough that she didn't put the egg shells into the bowl, for she had been lectured on this before. After everything had been mixed in, Robin put it in the preheated oven.

"Ok! Good job!" He exclaimed, the whole job had taken about 2 hours and it would take another half and hour for it to bake. Starfire smiled happily at their work.

After a half and hour, Beast Boy agreed to be the first to try it, because it wasn't green or fuzzy, like most of Starfire's other dishes. He bit in and collapsed choking.

"Dude! What are you trying to do?! How come you didn't tell me that thing has real eggs in it?!" BB said, running over to the sink to scrub his tongue.

Chocolate cake 

3 cups light brown sugar

1-cup butter -- softened

4 eggs -- or egg substitute

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

2 2/3 cups all-purpose flour

3/4 cup baking cocoa

1-tablespoon baking soda

1/2-teaspoon salt

1 1/3 cups sour cream

1 1/3 cups boiling water

Cream brown sugar and butter in a large mixing bowl. Add eggs, one at a time; beat well after each addition. Turn mixer on high and beat until mixture is light and fluffy. Blend in vanilla. In a separate bowl, combine flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt. With mixer on low speed, add dry ingredients alternately with sour cream to butter mixture and mix until just combined. Blend in water. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour three 9-inch round baking pans, or use two 9-inch pans and make cupcakes with the rest of the batter. Bake the cake for 35 minutes and check cupcakes with tester after 20 minutes.

Recipe from: 

_Kitchen Konnection_ - Alice Brown

There you go.. My second chapterÉ Oo it's so bad! ;; but I like it anyway. It's hard to screw up chocolate cake you know! Well I hope you enjoyed my cute little chappy. Hopefully I'll be able to write another!

Sakura

aka

Kiwi


	3. Christmas

Sorry for everyone who was hoping for another funny chapter…. This is a little more serious! But I hope you like it just the same! This is probably really bad because I wrote it in like… 10 minutes! But it'll bring you a little Christmas spirit I hope! Love you all!

Sakura

What's Christmas?

Zoom into the Teen Titans' tower living room, where some loud… and rather bad and off tune singing is heard.

"'Tis the season to be jolly! Fa lalalala. lala. La. LA!" Beast Boy sang getting to an impossibly high note, as he was decorating the large tree. Raven's glass of apple cider burst on the table as the pieces were spread all over the room. Starfire screamed from where she was hanging tinsel and mistletoe. Robin raised an eyebrow and Cyborg burst out laughing. Raven rolled her eyes and picked up the pieces of glass telekinetically, depositing them in a near by trashcan.

"Beast Boy. Please do not sing anymore." She said somewhat politely in her monotone voice. Everyone laughed and agreed.

Yes, Christmas was definitely in the air. Everyone was busy decorating and planning and sitting around. Though there was something that Starfire still didn't understand: the true meaning of Christmas. She had heard about this on the many Christmas marathons that Beast Boy watched all the day's before Christmas and she was beginning to wonder what it really meant. So when she had first heard it she asked the nearest person… Beast Boy.

"What is Christmas about?" Starfire asked Beast Boy, while they were sitting in the living room together.

"It's about Santa Claus! He comes around and delivers presents!" He said without pausing, then grinned. "Yep. Christmas is the best time of the year."

Well. That was all well and good. But she knew that there was more to the story than just Santa Claus and presents. So she asked the next titan…Cyborg.

"What is Christmas really about?" Starfire asked Cyborg while he was playing videogames. He paused the game and thought about his answer.

"Well.. Most would say it's about the presents. But it's really about the Baby Jesus, he was born on Christmas a long long time ago in a manger. That's what Christmas is really about."

Starfire knew about this. Christmas was a religious holiday. But what about for people who aren't Christian… What does it mean to them?

"Friend Raven… What is Christmas really about?" Starfire asked two days before the big holiday, in the middle of their meditation. Raven opened one eye to look at Starfire and then closed it.

"Christmas, is about the spirit of giving. Getting all those presents is nice… But… there's just something about giving them that makes the year worthwhile." She said, stepping out of her normally unemotional mask and revealing one of her true feelings. "But you really are going to have to find out what it means to you. It's different for everyone." She added, slipping back into monotone.

So she knew about the presents and the tree. And she knew about the baby Jesus. And she knew about the spirit of giving. But she still didn't know what Christmas was about to her. So on Christmas eve, she asked the one person who she hadn't asked yet.

"Robin. What is Christmas really about?"

Robin thought for a moment, and looked out into the city. "It's about spending time with your family and friends and the ones you care about." He said slowly. "But you know.. You really have to find out what it means for yourself."

So she knew what it meant to everyone. From the most childish (Beast Boy) to the more serious. But she still didn't know what it meant to her. She climbed down the stairs at midnight, just as it was Christmas and looked out the large window next to the tree. She looked at the presents under the tree, and the milk and cookies Beast Boy left on the table. And the pictures of all of the titans together that Robin had placed on the mantle piece. And last, nativity scene that Cyborg had placed gently on the windowsill. She put all of these pieces together and she knew…

"This is what Christmas is really about…"


	4. Video Games: The Good, The Bad and The R...

How to and How Not to Play Video Games.

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans or Soul Caliber II which I tweak the buttons on a little because otherwise it would be way way way too confusing to explain and it would take like a year!

Ok people.. It is what you've been waiting for! The 3rd chapter! YAY! I'm sorry this has taken me so long… XDDD

**Zoom in to the Teen Titans living room. **

Raven sits peacefully on the couch in the empty living room enjoying her book and herbal tea. It was a quiet morning in the Titan's Tower, and Raven wanted to take advantage of it before something… Or someone broke the thick blanket of silence. As far as Raven knew, everyone was asleep and in bed. Usually, the other Titans slept in on Sunday, in being the slowest day of the week for crime. It just was. Raven hypothesized that the villains might be football fans, because it was always the Sunday night football thing, or maybe it was because other series mostly showed on Sunday, like Desperate Housewives. Not that she would know anything about that…

As she was contemplating how she was going to watch her guilty fetish, it happened. There was a large crashing and the sound of running paws/feet and the metallic clanking was heard from somewhere up stairs, but was rapidly moving downwards. It was obvious who was racing down the halls, but Raven prayed nonetheless that someone else would come through the automatic doors. Though, as unfortunately expected, a green cat and a half robotic man burst into the room. The cat made a leap and turned into a green, furry boy in mid-leap and landed, cannonball style right next to Raven, who acted like she didn't notice and kept reading her book, her tea was held above her hand by her telepathic energy. The half robot plopped down on the other side of the couch.

"I call first controller!" the half robot said grabbing the controller as he landed on the couch, sticking his tongue out at the green boy.

"Dude! Unfair! I called shotgun!" The green boy answered, pouting and returning the tongue gesture before grabbing the second controller.

"Good morning Cyborg, Beast Boy." Raven answered in her monotone voice, taking hold of her tea once more and not looking up from her book. She sighed. She would never get any reading done now. Last time, Beast Boy had managed to fling himself so violently onto the couch while playing that he bumped into Raven, jostling her tea all over her lap while making her drop in and her book on the floor while the tea cup exploded tea and porcelain pieces all over her book. Raven had to dry each page individually… He just had to do it on the day she was reading _1001Incantations from the Medieval Era. _

The next moment the door opened again, and a more graceful entrance was made as a red headed, orange skinned alien floated into the room. "Good morning friends!" Came her cheerful greeting as she also found a seat on the couch.

Even by this time, the two boys had already started playing Soul Caliber II, which was a normal fighting game. They both had picked ghastly looking characters and the alien watched intently cheering each of them on. Raven didn't bother looking up from her book just rolled her eyes and sighed.

In less than twenty minutes, Beast Boy had lost for the 35th time in a row, a new losing streak record on the game, all 25 held by him. Cyborg seemed quite happy as he had both the supreme record and had won 35 times in a row! Starfire had given up cheering for Beast Boy and just sat staring intently.

Cyborg jumped up and screamed "BOOYA!" before coming down to land hard on the couch, jostling Raven severely. This sudden jolt caused her to drop her book and her tea onto the carpet…Again. She held back her scream but only caused Cybrog's controller to melt in his hands. "RAVEN! That's the second time this week." He said grumbling pulling the melted plastic off himself, before getting up and getting a spare controller and plugging it in. Raven mumbled something resembling profanity before heading out through the automatic doors up to her room.

"So, up for another game?"

"Bring it on!" Beast boy said grinning and picking up his controller after carelessly dropping it.

"Beast boy since you are losing so… horrifically? I wish to have a turn on the… loud box that holds many sounds!" The girl clapped happily and held out her hands for the controller.

"Star? It's called a video game, and I guess so…" Beast Boy said shrugging and handing her the controller. He was probably going to lose again. "I'm hungry anyway." Beast boy added, then went off into the kitchen to make another one of his vegetarian concoctions.

"Alright Starfire so you press 'A' to hit and 'B' to jump ok? You'll get the hang of it." Cyborg explained quickly as he set up the game.

Starfire studied the characters thoughtfully and then picked Talim.

"Heh of course, a girl" Cyborg said scornfully as he picked Valdo and started the game.

Surprisingly… Ok extremely surprisingly, Starfire was very good at this game. It might have been her lightening quick Tamaranian reflexes or her combative training…. Or… Cyborg just sucked and Beast Boy sucked more.

" Aw.. I went easy on you because it was your first time. Let's play for real!" He hit start again, and in no time Starfire once again came out as winner. She beamed.

"Booya… as you would say?" Cyborg grumbled at this and started the next game without warning.. But he still sucked.

At this moment, Raven came back through the automatic doors with another book and took a seat on the couch, thinking it was safe without any tea in her hands. She watched in amazement, not shown on her face, as Starfire beat the crap out of Cyborg again…

And again…

…

And again…

Soon, Starfire was the holding champion of the supreme record of 50 successive kills. At this point, Cyborg resembled a tomato or a stop sign, or really anything that was bright red and somewhat round. He mumbled something about beginners luck before throwing down the controller. "I'm gonna go eat something.." He announced and headed toward the kitchen where Beast Boy was laughing his head off at Cyborg's misfortune.

In the end my friends, Starfire learned about her secret skill in playing video games. Raven learned not to sit on the couch with tea while Beast Boy or Cyborg where playing video games. And it's obvious that Cyborg was the one who learned an important lesson… Just because you can beat Beast Boy does not mean you're really good.

It actually doesn't mean anything at all.

AN:

Hope you liked my stupid chapter… If you have any ideas for me shout out!

Thank you my reviewers! You are all so awesome!

Extinct, **Creator of Kitty**, Raging Lion, **Mimikins**, Instant Coffee, **Dreamer 411, **Frey of Davis, **Tiger Helix**, Lomesir, **The White Shadow**, Dragonmaster01, **Haily-Comet**, Dimitri van Doinav, **DemonessOfRevenge**, Abigail-Nicole, **TriforceOfWisdom**, Cosmetor, **Rosemary Greene**,

You guys totally rock!


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